I don't think a man should EVER hit a woman..... until the 5th time she cracks him in the face. - Christopher Titus

I got divorced from my wife on June 6, 2006. Yeah, 6-6-06, which coincidentally, was when my wife turned into a slithering demon spawned from the fiery depths of Satan's anus. But for legal reasons, I have to call her, "Kate."

I had a real job at fourteen years old. At seventeen, I was on my own. At twenty, I cut the liver out of a drifter and gave it to my father! 'Cause my dad's a drinker and I love my dad. And for eighty bucks, you can do anything in Mexico!

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.