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The police is on some different shit. I know you noticed it here. I want you to know it's like that everywhere. The police is on some different shit.… - Katt Williams
" "The police is on some different shit. I know you noticed it here. I want you to know it's like that everywhere. The police is on some different shit. Now, I know it's some cops in here. We do not mean y'all. Y'all are doing a great job. We appreciate it. Just doing your job, keeping us safe out there, and thank you so much. It's the ones outside we talking about. They on some different shit. The police used to be serve and protect. Used to be you are presumed innocent until you are proven guilty. Police is on some different shit. They done figured out they can kill your ass today and come up with a story for the news tomorrow. They done figured that shit out, and they done got so good, they can show us the truth, and we can see the truth with our own eyes, and then they can lie to us at the same time and confuse us about the truth we just saw with our own eyes. Okay, the first time we all saw it was at the Boston Marathon bombing. Everybody was looking for the fake-ass, bullshit-ass terrorists. He had a four-day head start. He could have been anywhere. But we knew he was in the boat 'cause they told us he was in the boat from a helicopter. "That's him in the boat right there. That's him in the boat." Drew a picture around him. "That's him laying down at the bottom of the boat. That's..." Then they said, "The police are here. We going to back up, let the police go in and begin negotiations." And all we heard was... then they cut to commercial. By the time they came back, that motherfucker had 20 holes in his chest, a tunnel in his throat. The next day, they say, "He was in a gunfight... but he didn't have a gun." Ask a nigga, that is not a gunfight. That's a drive-by right there. That's... that's an execution you got caught in. Second time we saw it... second time we saw it was in LA when they was looking for the ex-black cop, Christopher Dorner. That was some scary shit. They wanted that nigga bad. Let me just tell you I was in LA at the time, and let me just say you do not want to be a nigga when they are looking for niggas. That was some scary shit. I didn't realize how much of my time I spent being black till I had to try to drive white for two days. I'm all up on the steering wheel. Them motherfuckers wanted that nigga bad! They shot up two Hispanic women in a pickup truck delivering newspapers at 4:30 in the morning looking for a nigga. Wait a minute. That is too early and too late for niggas. We not fixing to be nowhere at 4:30 in the morning, not even if we supposed to be. But we knew he was in the cabin 'cause they told us he was in the cabin. "He's in the cabin. The police have him completely surrounded. There's nowhere for him to go. We're going to back up, let the police go in and begin negotiations." And all we saw was, "Get that motherfucker!" Then they said, "It looks like he committed suicide." They just barbecued this nigga on national TV. I know the police is on some different shit. You don't have to tell me. I found out the hard way.
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About Katt Williams
Micah Sierra "Katt" Williams (born September 2, 1971) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, rapper, singer and voice artist.
Also Known As
Alternative Names:
Katt Micah Williams
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Micah Sierra "Katt" Williams
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Micah Sierra Williams
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Additional quotes by Katt Williams
They did some shit to me I didn't even know they was allowed to do. I knew they could take a nigga to jail. I thought that was it. These motherfuckers put me in a real mental institution with real crazy people. What the fuck?! I might have thought I was crazy till you put me in here with the real crazy motherfuckers. Now I know I'm sane as shit. You ain't lived till you try to break up a fight with a motherfucker and hisself. "Fuck you, nigga. Fuck you." "One of y'all is right. That's all I'm trying to say. I ain't trying to be in your business or nothing." It's fucked up. Here the fuck I tell jokes for a living. These motherfuckers got me handcuffed to a nigga who's scraping demons out his face. He... I'm over there like, "Jesus, this is your humble servant, Lord. There's clearly been a miscommunication, Jesus. Just saying this burden is a little bit too heavy for your servant, Lord. If you could just remove this boulder off a nigga's back, Jesus, I'd really appreciate it, Lord. I'm just... I'm just saying, Jesus, my cup runneth over, Lord, is what I'm saying, and, thing is, I ain't even thirsty, Jesus, not a little bit. You can take this whole cup, the pitcher, the carafe, all of it, Jesus." Fucked up. You in that motherfucker, and all you thinking is, "I can't wait to get the fuck out of here, and there ain't shit going to make me stay in this son of a bitch." But they got some medication in the crazy house that will put an elephant on his back. And I don't know if you can see from your chair, but I'm not even a baby elephant, and they still gave me the whole elephant's pill. I have a trunk, but I am no elephant. They had me on five, six medications at one motherfucking time, just trying to break a nigga. They had me on some shit named Seroquel. I don't know what the fuck is in Seroquel, but I think Satan's penis is in it, I really do, because it's from Hell. That shit... if you whisper "Seroquel" to me, I become a different nigga. Just... Seroquel. I'm just trying to find my happy place. I love these soft-ass pants. It's fucked up. I got out that motherfucker. I said I'm going to fix every motherfucking thing that's wrong with me. I'm going to fucking get all my shit together. That's when I realized you can't even trust simple shit. We used to think our doctor gave a fuck about us. We used to think our doctor wanted us to get better so we would be better. Our doctor don't give a fuck about us. That motherfucker is making money, and that is it. He is a drug dealer just like the drug dealers. Ain't no motherfucking difference. It's fucked up. It's fucked up. 'Cause the medicine commercials have really gone over the top. They don't even give a fuck about us as people any- motherfucking-more. Do you remember when they used to at least have the common decency to whisper the side effect at the end of the... you could barely hear the fucked-up shit that could possibly happen to you. They just, "Possible side effects are... Now these motherfuckers say the motherfucking side effect so motherfucking loud and proud, you forget what the fuck they were supposed to be curing in the first place. And they just keep going and going, just... "Are you tired of hangnails ruining your life? Well, just take this simple pill, and in two weeks, you'll be jumping rope and running back to usual. Possible side effects are loss of the rest of your toes, fucked-up ankles, dislocated kneecaps, separation of thigh meat, hip dysplasia, innie-outie belly button, female breasts. If you have two Adam's apples, if your chin falls off, if you go blind or deaf for any reason..." What the fuck?! Just cut my goddamn toe off, bitch. I got shit to do! Just saying you got to try whatever you can.
[Referring to marijuana dealers] Just soon they see you, just, "Nigga, nigga, nigga...nigga. You remember that shit I gave you last week, nigga? It's nothing, nigga. It's nothing. It's nothing, nigga. Nigga, it's nothing. This shit right here, nigga! This shit right here, nigga! Right here, this shit, nigga! This shit here, nigga!" Always has some fucked up name. "It's kryptachronicunnalite, nigga!" Always has some fucked up ass name. "Nigga, this shit here, nigga. This shit here, nigga. This shit's called Deaf, nigga." You be like, "Nigga, that don't even sound attractive. What the...You mean I'm gonna hit it and die, nigga? Is that what..." "No nigga, not Death, nigga, Deaf. You hit this shit twice, nigga, you can't hear shit!"
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My favorite show for two years in a motherfucking row is still motherfucking "Swamp People". That is my shit! Oh, my God! If you have not seen this shit, you have not lived yet! It's some beautiful shit! I think I just like seeing minor... rednecks in their natural environment, not killing minorities. I think that's what it is. I love this shit. I watch every episode, but I don't know why, because every episode is exactly... [audience yells; "the same!"] ...like the last goddamn episode. They don't change shit. Every episode start with a man in a boat going nowhere fast as shit. He just... And he's saying some shit you can't fucking understand. And then you accidentally understand some of the shit, and it scares the shit out of you. He just... "We got to go out there and get him, boy. We got to go out there and get him, boy. We don't go out there and get him, he ain't going to get hisself." "Nah, I guess he ain't going to get hisself. I guess that makes perfectly good sense." And these white men get out there in that swamp, and they are catching 700-, 800-pound alligators. And that's not the part, minorities. They are catching these alligators with their hands! That's right. Look at the niggas. Don't even believe me. With their real hands. Not a weapon. Not a stick. None of that. Stick their real hands in the water to get the alligator. Black people is at the house, like, "Don't stick your hand in there! There's an alligator in that son of a bitch." But when you see... you see that white man reach up out that motherfucking boat, grab that motherfucking alligator line, the whole show, just... [repeatedly] "shoot him, Billy Bob, shoot him! Shoot..." Then the whole show just flips. Now they showing it from underwater, and it's muddy and bubbling and shit, like the alligator has a camera on his head. And he's in the show too. And then they cut to commercial.
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