How would you draw the line between women with something and women with nothing in them? - Thomas Hardy

Many of her thoughts were perfect syllogisms; unluckily they always remained thoughts. Only a few were irrational assumptions; but, unfortunately, they were the ones which most frequently grew into deeds

"and when he awoke it was as if he had awakened in hell. It WAS hell — "the hell of conscious failure,

You simply mean that you flirted outrageously with him, poor old chap, and then repented, and to make reparation, married him, though you tortured yourself to death by doing it.