I dont never hav enny trouble in regulating mi own kondukt, but tew keep other pholks straight iz what bothers me. - Josh Billings

The hardest thing that enny man kan do iz tew fall down on the ice when it iz wet, and get up and praze the Lord.

This setting down and folding our arms, and waiting for sumthing tew turn up, iz just about az rich a speckulashun az going out into a four hundred acre lot, setting down on a sharp stone, with a pail between our knees, and waiting for a cow tew back up and be milked.

Tew bring up a child in the wa he should go—travel that wa yourself.