I can't watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust. - Bill Hicks

… We live in a world where John Lennon was murdered, yet Barry Manilow continues to put out fucking albums. God-dammit! If you're gonna kill somebody, have some fucking taste. I'll drive you to Kenny Rogers' house.

Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?

"I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say Yeah? When?"