Lots of my friends have babies, but I don't have any babies… - Steven Wright

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Lots of my friends have babies, but I don't have any babies. But I have lots of friends; babies don't have any friends. They all have those baby-monitors so they can hear the baby from the other room, which I consider a form of wiretapping. One day there's gonna be a really smart baby who makes a fake recording of some fake baby noises... gonna crawl out of the window and go to Italy.

Steven Wright

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About Steven Wright

Steven Alexander Wright (born December 6, 1955) is an Academy Award winning American comedian, writer and actor, known for his bizarre comic style and morose stage persona.

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Birth Name: Steven Alexander Wright

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Originators like Steven Wright:

Jarod Kintz David Sedaris Bob Dylan Jonathan Lethem Terry Pratchett

Additional quotes by Steven Wright

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic. When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.

"I woke up this morning and discovered that everything in my apartment had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica. I told my roommate, "Isn't this amazing? Everything in the apartment has been stolen and replaced with an exact replica." He said, "Do I know you?

Lots of my friends have babies, but I don't have any babies. But I have lots of friends; babies don't have any friends. They all have those baby-moni… - Steven Wright

About Steven Wright

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Additional quotes by Steven Wright