Al Franken Quotes

No whining on the yacht.

We love America just as much as they do. But in a different way. You see, they love America like a 4-year-old loves his mommy. Liberals love America like grown-ups. To a 4-year-old, everything Mommy does is wonderful and anyone who criticizes Mommy is bad. Grown-up love means actually understanding what you love, taking the good with the bad and helping your loved one grow.

You're not supposed to have to be rich or lucky to have a chance to do great things. Opportunity is supposed to be for everyone. And that's why I'm a Democrat.

They tell you in this country that you have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. And we all believe that. But first you’ve got to have the boots. And the federal government gave Franni’s family the boots.

What I do is taking what they say and using it against them. What I do is jujitsu.

My point is, the Senate is filled not just with lawyers, but with old white men. Chapter 28 The Angel and the Devil Actors often claim not to read their own reviews.

Mitch McConnell’s innovation was in using it constantly to slow down things that did have bipartisan support, just to make sure as little as possible happened that Obama could get credit for.

Phone calls make a difference. Letters make a difference. Emails make a difference.

I think Gore would have been a great president, may well have prevented 9/ 11, and would not have sent us to war in Iraq based on manufactured evidence. And he’d have addressed climate change, which to me is the greatest existential threat facing mankind.

since I got into politics, I still think I have the best job in the world (some days) and why, despite the rise of Trump, I’m still (kind of) optimistic about our future (most of the time [albeit certainly less than I was a few months ago]). — Al Franken Washington,

In the United States of America, satire is protected speech, even if the object of the satire doesn’t get it.

right wing’s most common techniques — including the deceptive use of statistics.

"I complained about it to Tim Kaine. "Flake gave me this stupid hat. This is the worst Secret Santa gift ever. What was he thinking?"
"Staff error," said Tim. He's really smart. And would make a great vice president. Goddammit. Now I'm depressed. Let's move on."

The biases the media has are much bigger than conservative or liberal. They're about getting ratings, about making money, about doing stories that are easy to cover.

"Today I will masterbate!

Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written "Today I will masterbate — if I want to!