Eric Idle Quotes

Life has a very simple plot,
First you’re here
And then you’re not.

Fuck you very much, the FCC.
Fuck you very much for fining me.
Five thousand bucks a fuck,
So I'm really out of luck.
That's more than Heidi Fleiss was charging me.

always leave a party when people begin to play the bongos.

If one of the best ways to appreciate life is to have an unhappy childhood, I was very fortunate.

I have British teeth. They are like British politics: they go in all directions at once.

Not that I want to go, of course. I’ll be like the rest of you, clinging on desperately and screaming for more morphine.

Ours was an extraordinary generation, born into a devastated world, exhausted from six years of total war. Sixty million died. Nowadays the young think times are tough if they can’t get an Internet connection. They’re right; times are tough, but there was a time before it all began to go to shit, when it all really was shit. Our generation was born into that time. It was called World War II.

I bring messages and thanks from the others. Terry Gilliam sadly can't be with us tonight as they won't let him show his ass, which has been very favorably compared with Spielberg's ass.
Graham Chapman can't be with us tonight, as sadly he is still dead. And John Cleese is finishing a movie.
He has to get it back to Blockbuster by tomorrow.

If this isn't exactly what went down, it's certainly how it should have happened.

I got used to dealing with groups of boys and getting on with life in unpleasant circumstances and being smart and funny and subversive at the expense of authority.

Basically, the Germans came to us and said, "We don't have a sense of humour."

American Beer is a lot like making love in a canoe - it's fucking close to water.

Typical Hollywood crowd - all the kids are on drugs, and all the adults are on roller skates.

By Christmas 1975 the divorce fairy was hovering. My marriage was breaking up, and no wonder. Lyn was a lovely woman and a good mother and she certainly deserved better. Not surprisingly, my faithlessness was rewarded by hers and she left me and my two-year-old son in London to spend Christmas in France. I did learn that infidelity is not a good basis for a marriage. Best to disappoint one woman at a time. Sad, but with my lovely blond son for company, I got an unexpected boost. On a snowy Christmas Eve, two men delivered an enormous thing wrapped in brown paper from a lorry. We ripped the paper off to find a fully stacked jukebox filled with all George’s favorite records. A note said, Every home should have one, Happy Christmas, love George and Olivia

Men come in three sizes: small, medium, and extremely fucked up.