When things don't go well it's easy to wonder, "Why me?" It's easy to point fingers. It's easy to wallow in frustration or defeat.

But it is also easy to ask, "What is this teaching me?"

You can't remove the frustrations from life, but you can always try to come out a little wiser on the other side.

All big things come from small beginnings. The seed of every habit is a single, tiny decision. But as that decision is repeated, a habit sprouts and grows stronger. Roots entrench themselves and branches grow. The task of breaking a bad habit is like uprooting a powerful oak within us. And the task of building a good habit is like cultivating a delicate flower one day at a time.

When nothing seems to help, I go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not that last blow that did it — but all that had gone before.

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The purpose of setting goals is to win the game. The purpose of building systems is to continue playing the game. True long-term thinking is goal-less thinking. It’s not about any single accomplishment. It is about the cycle of endless refinement and continuous improvement. Ultimately, it is your commitment to the process that will determine your progress.

In the modern world, it is easy to feel like a passenger: reacting to notifications, responding to demands, consuming whatever you happen to drive past on your screen.

But joy is found in being the driver. It's the act of looking at the raw material of your circumstances — your time, your energy, your relationships, your skills — and seeing what you can make from it.

It is the act of creating the life you want (in big and small ways) that makes you feel alive and imbues life with extra meaning. The fact that you can hold a vision in your mind and then, however imperfectly, bend reality a few degrees in that direction.

The more pride you have in a particular aspect of your identity, the more motivated you will be to maintain the habits associated with it. If you’re proud of how your hair looks, you’ll develop all sorts of habits to care for and maintain it. If you’re proud of the size of your biceps, you’ll make sure you never skip an upper-body workout. If you’re proud of the scarves you knit, you’ll be more likely to spend hours knitting each week. Once your pride gets involved, you’ll fight tooth and nail to maintain your habits.

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Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity. This is one reason why meaningful change does not require radical change. Small habits can make a meaningful difference by providing evidence of a new identity. And if a change is meaningful, it is actually big. That's the paradox of making small improvements.