If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

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Interviewer: You once said you had a drug problem... Lily: Yeah, I still do. It's so hard to find good grass these days.

Why is it when we talk to God we're said to be praying — but when God talks to us, we're said to be schizophrenic?

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If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed.

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.