Jimmy Kimmel Quotes

I'm on the Internet a lot more than I watch TV and most everybody I know is, and yet if you watch most late-night talk shows, it's as if it doesn't even exist. So the Internet, it's just something I wanted to make use of in some way. I was fascinated by what appeared to be a child singing this song. It just struck me as funny.

There's something comforting and pleasurable about watching people win money.

I believe that David Letterman is the greatest talk show host that ever hosted a talk show. He'd be the last person to say that and he'd probably be horrified to hear that, but I really do believe that. Anything I do, I feel, is a pale imitation at best of what he does. I just try to do whatever I can not to imitate him, because that is the inclination when you idolize somebody, when you watch the show every night growing up as a kid.

I don't believe that lack of intelligence and appreciation for lowbrow comedy go hand-in-hand necessarily.

"To be perfectly honest with you, ABC picks you to do this and then the machine goes into action and you shoot promos. But I'm still sitting in my bedroom at home going, 'Jeez, I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it.' And it's a weird situation to be in. And I guess we'll all find out.

Perfecto. He is going to buy that swing-state $100 bill at a time. Its nice to see him paying someone who isn't a porn star for a change

We're going to give men what they really want to see on TV. Monkeys, midgets, beer drinking and women jumping on trampolines.

We use puppets because they can get away with more.

Though it makes me sick to do so without my writers, there are more than a hundred people whose financial well-being depends on our show. It is time to go back to work.

We wanted to figure out a way to get crank phone calls on television. Watching someone on TV talking on a phone isn't that entertaining, and obviously we couldn't send a camera crew around to the people getting the calls, so it was limited to either animation or puppets. And puppets seemed halfway between cartoons and people, so that seemed like the most real way that we could do it.

I'm excited, but I am also realistic. I have seen what happened to the people who came before me and failed. It's an unforgiving arena to be in.

There were a lot of people who didn't think we'd get to this milestone.

I'm not seen as classy enough to host the Oscars.