Kevin Smith Quotes

Brodie Bruce:

I LOVE THE SMELL OF COMMERCE IN THE MORNING!

Americans tend to celebrate even the most mediocre or basic accomplishments... It's like weddings to me. Why is that a big deal?... Why do you have to have a big shindig where you're, like, "Look, we're doing it" and everybody applauds and throws shit in your face. - SModcast 1: Fisting Flipper

Don't get me wrong, I love Schindler's List, but it's not like "Hey, man, let's get loaded and watch Schindler's List." - SModcast 4: Can I get a (Masturbatory) Witness

There would always be a bunch of fucking grousers and nay-sayers being like "that was uncalled for."

They are creepy, too, man. Those puppets don't make me feel good. I'll be honest, nothing about this show makes me feel good.

A science fiction movie? I don't know. I think I have made one already... Chasing Amy. Because you go ask any lesbian, that'll never happen. Even if, and probably especially because, the dude is Ben fucking Affleck.

"[as Tim Burton] Anyone who knows me will tell you that I would never read a comic book." Which, to me, explains fucking Batman.

In Hollywood, you just kind of fail upwards.

What's your name, new best friend?

What happened to Riggs?

Guy from audience: Your wife is your beard!
Kevin: My wife is my beard isn't she?... Oh, sir, who was it? It was you? That was your move. 'Cause in your head you're going "I'm gonna yell out your wife is your beard and they'll laugh like they laughed at the rock guy!" And you yelled it out, you got it out there, you had the guts to do it and shit, and then I even echoed it for you just in case the cheap seats didn't hear it, and there was fucking crickets, sir.

Sir, I just think that's it's fucking brilliant that you somehow managed to tie Chuck Norris, Chewbacca the Wookie, and Jesus Christ together.

Ten years in and we bone like we're cheating on each other WITH each other. A decade-plus and her clit/brown/taint-area still pOwns my dick.

God is a great concept, [but it] doesn't work

Brodie Bruce:

You're gonna listen to me? To something I said!? Jesus, man, haven't I made it abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know shit? I mean half the time I'm just talking out of my ass...or sticking my hand in it.