Kevin Smith Quotes

AZRAEL:

No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater... than central air.

Don't get me wrong, I love Schindler's List, but it's not like "Hey, man, let's get loaded and watch Schindler's List." - SModcast 4: Can I get a (Masturbatory) Witness

Americans tend to celebrate even the most mediocre or basic accomplishments... It's like weddings to me. Why is that a big deal?... Why do you have to have a big shindig where you're, like, "Look, we're doing it" and everybody applauds and throws shit in your face. - SModcast 1: Fisting Flipper

Life is also, as George Carlin taught us, a zero-sum game. We all lose in the end. We all die screaming. If that’s the case, we might as well make for ourselves a paradise in this world. Make yourself happy and comfortable as often as you can, because sooner or later, the infinite hands you a bill for all these goods and services.

More often than not, a hero’s most epic battle is the one you never see; it’s the battle that goes on within him or herself.

Do you know what makes a human being decent? Fear. And therein lies the problem. None of you has anything left to fear anymore.

"Like its author, this book is dedicated to Jen Schwalbach - the gorgeous mother of my child, the seductive temptress who keeps me faithful, and the friend I've always had the most fun with. My best friend, even.

Also quite like the author, this book is additionally dedicated to Jen Schwalbach asshole.

Everything above also applies here, obviously, except the "mother of my child" part: referencing my kid and my wife's brown eye in the same sentiment might come off as crude or something.

(And I have a heart: Please don't go telling my kid you read in her old man's book that she's some kinda Butt-Baby. She's gonna have a hard enough time being Silent Bob's daughter - the daughter of the "Too Fat to Fly" guy.
Also: Pleas don't tell my daughter I dedicated tge vook to her mother's sphincter. That'd be weird)"

GOD DOESN’T HATE FAGS OR
ANYBODY ELSE FOR THAT MATTER.
GOD SAVES! THEN, GOD PASSES IT
TO GRETZKY - WHO ROOFS THAT
SHIT, TOP-SHELF! THEN GOD AND
GRETZKY HIGH FIVE & BELLY-BUMP,
CELEBRATING THEIR HOCKEY
PROWESS. AND NEVER ONCE DO
THEY GIVE A SHIT IF ANYBODY’S
GAY OR NOT.

Sometimes we just need someone to show us something we can’t see for ourselves, and then we change forever.

Don’t be afraid to do weird stuff, so long as you do it cheaply and cover everyone’s bets. Be bold. Be stupid, if you have to: so long as you don’t hurt anybody, what’s it matter how dopey your dream is? If I hadn’t made TUSK? If I’d let it die as a podcast? I wouldn’t have three other movies I’m now making within the span of a year. Some folks will try to shame you for trying something outside the norm; the only shame is in not trying to accomplish your dreams.

People like to set the bar high. I like to put the bar on the ground and barely step over it. I like to keep the expectations really low.

Most people hate their jobs, true, but my old man despised his in an Ahab-and-Moby (or Eminem-and-Moby) kinda way. He never said, “Go into the entertainment biz, son” — he was just a living example of why it was worth taking a shot going after the stuff of dreams rather than simply getting a job. I saw how much my dad hated working and realized he was right: Working blows. If you hate what you do, it’ll always be work.

A pat on the back to an artist now could one day result in your favorite film, or the cartoon you loved to get stoned watching, or the song that saves your life. Discourage an artist, you get absolutely nothing in return, ever.

To naked eye, dear sir, you're whole, but to Elohim's eyes, you're cause to shiver! Have you not yet gleaned your unnatural role? You're not the archer, sir...you're just his quiver!

Guy from audience: Your wife is your beard!
Kevin: My wife is my beard isn't she?... Oh, sir, who was it? It was you? That was your move. 'Cause in your head you're going "I'm gonna yell out your wife is your beard and they'll laugh like they laughed at the rock guy!" And you yelled it out, you got it out there, you had the guts to do it and shit, and then I even echoed it for you just in case the cheap seats didn't hear it, and there was fucking crickets, sir.