Kevin Smith Quotes

It's a joyful thing, being a Catholic. I can't even think about sex without thinking about bodily waste.

Don't get me wrong, I love Schindler's List, but it's not like "Hey, man, let's get loaded and watch Schindler's List." - SModcast 4: Can I get a (Masturbatory) Witness

People always ask me if I hate the nuns. Do I make my movies extra dirty to piss them off? I always say no, that's not the point. To a Catholic, a movie is only dirty if it makes you want to have sex more. If it makes you feel sick, disgusted, ashamed of your own body, then it's not a dirty movie at all. It's a Catholic movie. And I make very Catholic movies.

"Like its author, this book is dedicated to Jen Schwalbach - the gorgeous mother of my child, the seductive temptress who keeps me faithful, and the friend I've always had the most fun with. My best friend, even.

Also quite like the author, this book is additionally dedicated to Jen Schwalbach asshole.

Everything above also applies here, obviously, except the "mother of my child" part: referencing my kid and my wife's brown eye in the same sentiment might come off as crude or something.

(And I have a heart: Please don't go telling my kid you read in her old man's book that she's some kinda Butt-Baby. She's gonna have a hard enough time being Silent Bob's daughter - the daughter of the "Too Fat to Fly" guy.
Also: Pleas don't tell my daughter I dedicated tge vook to her mother's sphincter. That'd be weird)"

Ten years in and we bone like we're cheating on each other WITH each other. A decade-plus and her clit/brown/taint-area still pOwns my dick.

As human beings we govern our actions with our deepest fears. But if you name that shit, you claim that shit: let enough people into your closet and you'll find there's no more room for skeletons. Leave yourself nowhere to hide and you can live your life unguarded.

Brodie Bruce:

I LOVE THE SMELL OF COMMERCE IN THE MORNING!

God is a great concept, [but it] doesn't work

lifes too $hort kids; do the shit that makes you happy!

"[as Tim Burton] Anyone who knows me will tell you that I would never read a comic book." Which, to me, explains fucking Batman.

Life is also, as George Carlin taught us, a zero-sum game. We all lose in the end. We all die screaming. If that’s the case, we might as well make for ourselves a paradise in this world. Make yourself happy and comfortable as often as you can, because sooner or later, the infinite hands you a bill for all these goods and services.

In Hollywood, you just kind of fail upwards.

Why take life seriously? No one gets out alive anyways.

Happiness can’t be bottled. It can’t be smoked, swallowed, shot or ejaculated. And there is no end game: you never cross the finish line and are suddenly happy. Even when all your wildest dreams come true, you still pursue happiness.

Americans tend to celebrate even the most mediocre or basic accomplishments... It's like weddings to me. Why is that a big deal?... Why do you have to have a big shindig where you're, like, "Look, we're doing it" and everybody applauds and throws shit in your face. - SModcast 1: Fisting Flipper