Kevin Smith Quotes

Even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I’m forever changed because of who you are, and what you’ve meant to me.

There would always be a bunch of fucking grousers and nay-sayers being like "that was uncalled for."

Guy from audience: Your wife is your beard!
Kevin: My wife is my beard isn't she?... Oh, sir, who was it? It was you? That was your move. 'Cause in your head you're going "I'm gonna yell out your wife is your beard and they'll laugh like they laughed at the rock guy!" And you yelled it out, you got it out there, you had the guts to do it and shit, and then I even echoed it for you just in case the cheap seats didn't hear it, and there was fucking crickets, sir.

Don't bitch or punish the world: just create. Create something nobody's ever seen before and there is a good chance the world will notice you. Attacking teen girls on the internet is the saddest form of masturbation that exists and requires no discernible skill or talent. Because if you're not being useful in this world, you're being useless. Don't be useless: go make stuff that makes people happy.

Most people hate their jobs, true, but my old man despised his in an Ahab-and-Moby (or Eminem-and-Moby) kinda way. He never said, “Go into the entertainment biz, son” — he was just a living example of why it was worth taking a shot going after the stuff of dreams rather than simply getting a job. I saw how much my dad hated working and realized he was right: Working blows. If you hate what you do, it’ll always be work.

If you're alive, kick into drive. Chase whimsies. See if you can turn dreams into a way to make a living, if not an entire way of life.

My American Dream has always been simple, and it’s one I encourage you to adopt as your own: Figure out what you love to do, then figure out how to get paid to do it.

People like to set the bar high. I like to put the bar on the ground and barely step over it. I like to keep the expectations really low.

Why take life seriously? No one gets out alive anyways.

They are creepy, too, man. Those puppets don't make me feel good. I'll be honest, nothing about this show makes me feel good.

AZRAEL:

No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater... than central air.

First rule of showbiz, my sightless friend…regardless of the size of your audience…always make an entrance, boy…always make an entrance!” — Mysterio (Quentin Beck)

Sir, I just think that's it's fucking brilliant that you somehow managed to tie Chuck Norris, Chewbacca the Wookie, and Jesus Christ together.

Controversial' as we all know, is often a euphemism for 'interesting and intelligent.

"Like its author, this book is dedicated to Jen Schwalbach - the gorgeous mother of my child, the seductive temptress who keeps me faithful, and the friend I've always had the most fun with. My best friend, even.

Also quite like the author, this book is additionally dedicated to Jen Schwalbach asshole.

Everything above also applies here, obviously, except the "mother of my child" part: referencing my kid and my wife's brown eye in the same sentiment might come off as crude or something.

(And I have a heart: Please don't go telling my kid you read in her old man's book that she's some kinda Butt-Baby. She's gonna have a hard enough time being Silent Bob's daughter - the daughter of the "Too Fat to Fly" guy.
Also: Pleas don't tell my daughter I dedicated tge vook to her mother's sphincter. That'd be weird)"