The ghosts of all the women you used to be are all so proud of who you have become, storm child made of wild and flame.

She takes her life and starts turning it into something beautiful without him. She learns how to love herself in the most intricate of ways. She goes out and spends time with her friends when she is lonely. She learns to love her alone. And often when she finds herself missing him, missing the good moments with him, she whispers to herself, 'The absence of you has taught me how to love myself. So thank you, my darling, my dearest.

Yes, I am dreadful and I am desolate and I am difficult to digest No I do not apologise for the things that I am for what makes me today I am that dark thing that you loved to hate, now the terror that keeps you awake Call me gross Call me stupid Call me disgusting None of those names can ever hurt me again I am a thousand treacherous things I was not made To be lovely for you I was made to eat monsters for ME I never lied I never claimed not to make mistakes I never said I was a saint When you bullied me with those names as a child You made a horrible mistake

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I will not have you without the darkness that hides within you. I will not let you have me without the madness that makes me. If our demons cannot dance, neither can we.

Grandmothers are a gift not to be taken lightly. So many lose them, before they are old enough to know their magic. I am glad my bones were born with this knowledge. She taught me how to become a good ancestor. At least this - loving her presence, appreciating her wisdom - is something I know how to do well.

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