Patrick Stump

We're meant for each other 'cause we smell bad.

Don't just look at her ass, eat it.

I mean you never heard of the menlinium falcon is the shit, but made the Kessel Run in and under 12 parsecs

I used to work in a record store. I'm kind of a record nerd.

I collect movies, I still buy records constantly. I collect musical instruments and most of my time I spend making music, it's pretty much what I do 90% of the time I'm home. Aside from just normal stuff, I walk the dog, I hang out with my girlfriend, get dinner. Pretty mellow stuff.

Pete Wentz: Every action movie has to have a gadget guy. You hate being the gadget guy, huh? You're a good gadget guy, you wear glasses. Patrick: (throws glasses on the floor) Now I'm a HORRIBLE gadget guy!

Hey, does your mother sew? BOOM! Get her to sew that.

Hi I'm Patrick. Today we're going to look at how long it takes for spilt Coke to sink into a carpet. [plays Jeopardy music] Note that it's still fizzy.

There are some things in life that make you happy, and make you like your life. Then there are some things in life that you witness, that make you not like your life as much. I think that's one of them. I'm sorry, Juan.

I'm sure it's gotta be a great job 'cause rock stars are known for their punctuality and politeness, so...

I think a producer should be like water, and whatever the shape of the glass is, he or she should fill that. If they need you to be the engineer guy--typically I have an engineer--I work at that stuff. If they need you to be a songwriting help guy, I work on that. If they need you to be a vocal melody guy, I work at that, etc. I kind of look at whatever a band needs out of me then I try to give it to them.

I don't mind if someone thinks I'm a sell out. I go to bed happy knowing I do what I do and I'm not doing anything for reasons of money, and if I were trying to pick up chicks, I'm doing a horrible job. And if I wanted to drive awesome cars, I'm doing a really bad job there too.

If you're trying to get a lot of money and attention and cars and just stuff like that, being in a band is a really bad way to do it, because it takes a lot of work, it's constant work, it's very grueling, and you don't really have time to spend money. So that would probably not even make my top 10 list of ways to make a lot of money, because records aren't selling anymore. The richest musician in America still doesn't even come close to a mid-level athlete.

I get really annoyed with photo shoots and interviews and handshakes. I’m a musician; God forbid I actually have time to make music.

(Points to guide arrows on street) See these guide arrows? Fuck you, guide arrows! Tell me to go that way? Fuck you.