Penn Jillette Quotes

I’ve been told by professional drug users that if I did the drugs, I would like the Dead. It seems like the most effective PSA against drugs could just play some Dead jams and say, “If you do drugs, you will like this kind of music.” What other deterrent would one need?

There is no god.” I’ve said that sentence on Glenn Beck’s TV show in front of his live audience at his studio in the Texas Bible Belt. I’ve told Republicans that I like immigrants. I’ve told Democrats that I dig rich people. I’ve told sane people that I like lawyers.

Atheism is the only real hope against terrorism.

Reading the Bible is the fast track to atheism. Reading the Bible means starting at "In the beginning..." and throwing it down with disgust at "...the grace of the lord Jesus be with all. Amen." I'm sure there are lots of religious people who've read the Bible from start to finish and kept their faith, but in my self-selected sample, all the people I know who have done that are atheists.

Islam is not a kind of person. Islam is an idea. Islam is a religion. And religions are not people. Ideas are not people. All ideas must be attacked all the time, in order to find out what parts of them are true. We must respect people, but that doesn’t mean we have to respect ideas that aren’t true. I don’t even care whether the ideas are dangerous or not. I don’t care if Islam does mean “peace.” I don’t believe Muhammad was any sort of prophet. I don’t believe there are any real prophets. That idea is wrong. And if I say that idea is wrong, that doesn’t mean I have an irrational fear of people who believe that idea. It means that I think the idea is wrong, wrong, wrong.

Meeting our audiences, or at least the members of the audience who would like to meet us, makes us different from other entertainers. We aren’t scared of our audiences. We’ve learned that the crowds that other entertainers might hate — the quiet crowds — include many people who are loving the show. I love quiet crowds now; I don’t see them as lacking enthusiasm, I see them as paying attention. We’ve learned that a joke that didn’t get a loud laugh might be someone’s favorite line.

What makes me libertarian is what makes me an atheist — I don't know. If I don't know, I don't believe. I don't know exactly how we got here, and I don't think anyone else does, either. We have some of the pieces of the puzzle and we'll get more, but I'm not going to use faith to fill in the gaps. I'm not going to believe things that TV hosts state without proof. I'll wait for real evidence and then I'll believe. And I don't think anyone really knows how to help everyone. I don't even know what's best for me.

All the things that make life worth living take work.

We can't start getting picky because we've got enough food; that's just self-centered and racist. Unless you and yours are starving, you need to shut the fuck up!

Atheists are also morally obligated to tell the truth as we see it. We should preach and proselytize too. We need to help believers. Someone who believes in god is wasting big parts of his or her life, holding back science and love, and giving "moral" support to dangerous extremists. If you believe something, you must share it; it's one of the ways we all learn about truth.

The word “holiday” comes from “holy day” and holy means “exalted and worthy of complete devotion.” By that definition, all days are holy. Life is holy. Atheists have joy every day of the year, every holy day. We have the wonder and glory of life. We have joy in the world before the lord is come. We’re not going for the promise of life after death; we’re celebrating life before death. The smiles of children. The screaming, the bitching, the horrific whining of one’s own children. The glory of giving or receiving a blow job. Sunsets, rock and roll, bebop, Jell-O, stinky cheese, and offensive jokes.
For atheists, everything in the world is enough and every day is holy. Every day is an atheist holiday. It’s a day that we’re alive.

Even one person's misunderstanding [of a blue joke] may not be worth the next guy's laugh.

In the late twentieth century we consider solitude our natural condition. Mates divorce, and even friendship is diagnosed as a disorder - co-dependency. So the concept of living a life interlocked with another human is unthinkable

The evidence shows you that two things have been true throughout mankind's history: One, things always get better. Two, people always think they're getting worse.

There is no god, and that's the simple truth. If every trace of any single religion were wiped out and nothing were passed on, it would never be created exactly that way again. There might be some other nonsense in its place, but not that exact nonsense. If all of science were wiped out, it would still be true and someone would find a way to figure it all out again.