Sidney Morgenbesser

Interrogated by a student whether he agreed with Chairman Mao’s view that a statement can be both true and false at the same time, Morgenbesser replied “Well, I do and I don’t.”

Asked to prove a questioner's existence, Morgenbesser shot back, "Who's asking?"

On the : Morgenbesser, ordering dessert, is told by the waitress that he can choose between apple pie and blueberry pie. He orders the apple pie. Shortly thereafter, the waitress comes back and says that cherry pie is also an option; Morgenbesser says "In that case I'll have the blueberry pie."

Morgenbesser in response to B.F. Skinner: "Are you telling me it's wrong to anthropomorphize people?" (quoted by Daniel Dennett)

Morgenbesser was leaving a subway station in New York City and put his pipe in his mouth as he was ascending the steps. A police officer told him that there was no smoking on the subway. Morgenbesser pointed out that he was leaving the subway, not entering it, and hadn't lit up yet anyway. The cop again said that smoking was not allowed in the subway, and Morgenbesser repeated his comment. The cop said, "If I let you do it, I'd have to let everyone do it." To which Morgenbesser, in a much misunderstood line, retorted: "Who do you think you are, Kant?" He was then hauled off to the police station, where The Categorical Imperative had to be explained to the police officers. (Kant, as pronounced in American English, sounds similar to cunt, which is what he was mistaken for having said).

A student once interrupted him and said, "I just don't understand." He responded, "Why should you have the advantage over me?"

When asked his opinion of pragmatism, Morgenbesser replied "It's all very well in theory but it doesn't work in practice."

A few weeks before his death, he asked another Columbia philosopher, David Albert, about God. "Why is God making me suffer so much?" he asked. "Just because I don't believe in him?"

A proposed response to Heidegger's ontological query "Why is there something rather than nothing?" – "And if there were nothing? You'd still be complaining!"

When challenged why he had written so little, he fired back: "Moses wrote one book. Then what did he do?"

Of Hilary Putnam – "He’s a quantum philosopher. I can’t understand him and his position at the same time."

Morgenbesser said the following of George Santayana: “There’s a guy who asserted both p and not-p, and then drew out all the consequences…”

During a lecture, the Oxford linguistic philosopher J. L. Austin made the claim that although a in English implies a positive meaning, there is no language in which a double positive implies a negative. Morgenbesser responded in a dismissive tone, "Yeah, yeah."

During campus protests of the 1960s, Sidney Morgenbesser was hit over the head by police. When asked whether he had been treated unfairly or unjustly, he responded that it was "unfair but not unjust. It was unfair because they hit me over the head, but not unjust because they hit everyone else over the head.”

Morgenbesser described ethics as entailing “ought implies can” while in Jewish ethics “can implies don’t.”