If I worked at a store and a duck came in I would like just… - Mitch Hedberg

" "
If I worked at a store and a duck came in I would like just give him some bread-- "sure man no problem-- tell your friends"--- but I would not give him Pepperidge Farm bread....You know that stuff right? you open it and it still ain't open. That is why I do not buy it. Cause I do not need another step, between me and toast."

Mitch Hedberg

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About Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg (24 February 1968 – 30 March 2005) was an American stand-up comic known for his odd subject matter, subdued delivery and memorable routines that often consisted of a string of one-line non sequiturs.

Biography information from Wikiquote

Also Known As

Birth Name: Mitchell Lee Hedberg

Alternative Names: Mitch Lee Hedberg • Mitchell Hedberg

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Additional quotes by Mitch Hedberg

I hate dreaming. Because when you wanna sleep, you wanna sleep. Dreaming is work, you know? Like, there I am, laying in my comfortable bed in my hotel room. It’s beautiful. Next thing you know, I have to build a go-kart with my ex-landlord.

Audience Member: Hey Mitch, I got something to put in that pipe for ya!

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

If I worked at a store and a duck came in I would like just give him some bread-- "sure man no problem-- tell your friends"--- but I would not give h… - Mitch Hedberg

About Mitch Hedberg

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