Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seagulls I leave no tern unstoned.

O all ye exorcizers come and exorcize now, and ye clergymen draw nigh and clerge,
For I wish to be purged of an urge.
It is an irksome urge, compounded of nettles and glue,
And it is turning all my friends back into acquaintances, and all my acquaintances into people who look the other way when I heave into view.

A WORD TO HUSBANDS

To keep your marriage brimming.
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.