Ogden Nash Quotes

Good wine needs no bush,
And perhaps products that people really want need no
hard-sell or soft-sell TV push.
Why not?
Look at pot.

I hope of lightning our supply Will never be exhausted;
You know it's lanterns in the sky
For angels who are losted.

Excerpted from A PLEA FOR A LEAGUE OF SLEEP

... My life with joy is sometimes fraught,
But mostly when I'm doing naught.
Yea, I could spend my whole career
A pillow underneath my ear.
How wise was he who wittily said
That there is nothing like a bed.
A mattress is what I like to creep on;
The right side is the one I sleep on.

...Stalin and Hitler while they sleep
Are harmless as a baby sheep;
Tyrants who cause the earth to quake
Are only dangerous when awake.
This world would be a happier place,
And happier the human race,
And all our pilots be less Pontius,
If people spent more time unconscious.

First
Let the rockets flash and the cannon thunder,
This child is a marvel, a matchless wonder.
A staggering child, a child astounding,
Dazzling, diaperless, dumfounding,
Stupendous, miraculous, unsurpassed,
A child to stagger and flabbergast,
Bright as a button, sharp as a thorn,
And the only perfect one ever born.
Second
Arrived this evening at half-past nine.
Everybody is doing fine.
Is it a boy, or quite the reverse?
You can call in the morning and ask the nurse.

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

Perhaps indeed the possession of wealth is constantly distressing,
But I should be quite willing to assume every curse of wealth if I could at the same time assume every blessing.
The only incurable troubles of the rich are the troubles that money can't cure,
Which is a kind of trouble that is even more troublesome if you are poor.
Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won't buy, but it's very funny —
Have you ever tried to buy them without money?

Where there is a monster, there is a miracle.

...I would not engage the wombat
In any form of mortal combat.

Man is a victim of dope
In the incurable form of hope.

You can be young only once, but you can be immature forever.

If you don’t want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won’t have to work.

My fellow man I do not care for.
I often ask me, What's he there for?
The only answer i can find
Is, Reproduction of his kind.

Which the Chicken and Which the Egg?

He drinks because she scolds, he thinks;
She thinks she scolds because he drinks;
And nether will admit what's true,
That he's a sot and she's a shrew.

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

Life has a tendency to obfuscate and bewilder,
Such as fating us to spend the first part of our lives
being embarrassed by our parents and the last part
being embarrassed by our childer.