Ogden Nash Quotes

People expect old men to die, They do not really mourn old men. Old men are different. People look At them with eyes that wonder when... People watch with unshocked eyes; But the old men know when an old man dies.

Oh, sometimes I sit around and think, what would you do if you were up a dark alley and there was Caesar Borgia,
And he was coming torgia…

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

O all ye exorcizers come and exorcize now, and ye clergymen draw nigh and clerge,
For I wish to be purged of an urge.
It is an irksome urge, compounded of nettles and glue,
And it is turning all my friends back into acquaintances, and all my acquaintances into people who look the other way when I heave into view.

Perhaps indeed the possession of wealth is constantly distressing,
But I should be quite willing to assume every curse of wealth if I could at the same time assume every blessing.
The only incurable troubles of the rich are the troubles that money can't cure,
Which is a kind of trouble that is even more troublesome if you are poor.
Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won't buy, but it's very funny —
Have you ever tried to buy them without money?

If you don’t want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won’t have to work.

Once in a night as black as pitch
Isabel met a wicked old witch.
the witch's face was cross and wrinkled,
The witch's gums with teeth were sprinkled.
Ho, ho, Isabel! the old witch crowed,
I'll turn you into an ugly toad!
Isabel, Isabel, didn't worry.
Isabel didn't scream or scurry.
She showed no rage and she showed no rancor,
But she turned the witch into milk, and drank her.

"Baclli swarm within my portals

Such as ne'r conceived by mortals,

But, bred by scientists,

Wise and hoary in some Olympian laboratory.

Bacteria as large as mice

With feet of fire and heads of ice,

Who never interrupt for slumber

Their stomping, elephantine rumba.

( From the poem — - " The Common Cold " )"

The Bronx? No Thonx!

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

My fellow man I do not care for.
I often ask me, What's he there for?
The only answer i can find
Is, Reproduction of his kind.

Progress is a fine thing, but it's gone on long enough.

May I join you in the doghouse, Rover?
I wish to retire till the party's over.

I am tarred and feathered with Time.