I don't like when minorities tell me that I can't understand racism because I'm white. I go, "No, you can't understand racism 'cause you're not white… - Doug Stanhope

Suicide is another thing that's so frowned upon in this society, but honestly, life isn't for everybody. It really isn't. It's sad when kids kill themselves 'cause they didn't really give it a chance, but life is like a movie. If you've sat through more than half of it and it sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the very end for you and make it all worthwhile. No one should blame you for walking out early.

Does anyone get upset that George Bush keeps quoting the bible in all his fucking speeches? Does that get on anyone's last nerve? Does it ever occur to him that it's all those stupid fucking religions that start all this shit in the first place? National day of prayer? Fuck you! You think you're doing something? You're not. You can sit at home and cry jinx and keep your fingers crossed, too; it does as much good. You wanna pray? Pray all day. Pray on your own time. You wanna help? Grab a shovel and start digging there, pinwheel, 'cause it looks like your god takes Tuesdays off.

[on Keynesian economic theory as applied to private sector independent contracting] "Ask Milton Friedman's dead Jew corpse what he thinks about the current economic crisis, and he will tell you... You better strengthen up your shit-pussy, baby!