This horrible decade where all of us men tried to be individual rebels...by wearing the exact same flaming skull on a bedazzled Ed Hardy thermal. I h… - Christopher Titus

If you're already so low on the parental totem pole, skill-wise, that you're letting your child scream "frickin'" in a public place...just let 'em say "fuck." He's already going to prison. Don't make him a bottom-bunk, too.

[talking about a Christmas fight in which he locked his girlfriend out of the house]
When all of the sudden there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
I went to the window and tore open the blinds,
And there was my girlfriend, quite out of her mind!
And I was just standing there, heart pounding with fear,
She's bangin' on the glass door with a vodka bottle…filled just 'bout to here.
And I knew the window couldn't take it.
She screamed, "Open the door, you bastard, or I'll fucking break it!"
Well, I couldn't let her do that; 'twas my father's place.
So I cracked the door, and she punched me in the face!
So I summoned my manhood from bottom to top,
And I screamed like a little girl…"I'M CALLING THE COPS!"

I am a patriot, and I protest speed limits by exceeding them.