Nobody is really happy with what's on their head. People with straight hair want curly, people with curly want straight, and bald people want everyon… - Rita Rudner

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

I don't even know how this word came into being: "aerobics". I guess gym instructors got together and said, "If we're going to charge ten dollars an hour, we can't call it 'jumping up and down'."

I love being married, I do. It's so great to find that one special person that you want to annoy for the rest of your life.