I felt like that character in Flowers for Algernon. Not Charlie, the lady teacher from the college who realizes, 'I've got to stop dry-humping this m… - Tina Fey

Ashlee Simpson did a special performance at Mall of America this week. Reports from those present say that the venue was completely packed; I mean seriously, people were like sardines, wall to wall, there had to be like ten of them...all pushed up against the giant stage they constructed...in the janitor's closet. Because she sucks.

It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don't like something, it is empirically not good.

I think someone should design exercise machines that reward people with sex at the end of their workouts, because people will perform superhuman feats for even the faint hope of that.