My idea of a fine wine was one that merely stained your teeth without stripping the enamel. - Clive James

I see the pain on your face when you say the word intellectual, because it has so many syllables in it.

[Mrs Thatcher] started quoting St Francis within minutes of becoming elected, and scarcely an hour had gone by before she was sounding like the book of Revelations read out over a railway station public address system by a headmistress of a certain age wearing calico knickers.

From 'The Book of My Enemy Has Been Remaindered'