It's not lost on me that I'm so busy recording life, I don't have time to really live it. - David Sedaris

It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America.

I wanted to be perfect,” he said over dinner. “I…need to be perfect.” It’s such a burden to place on yourself. Say you are perfect — who’s going to recognize it? Few things are like the Olympics, where judges hold up score cards. How does one paint perfectly? Or lawyer perfectly? The key is to fill the space between your skill level and perfection with charm. That said, you can’t do it consciously. Charm can’t be constructed that way.

there's a reason regular people don't appear on TV: we're boring.