(on whether motherhood is the world's most difficult job) Dude, any job that you can do in your pajamas is not a difficult job, alright? You're 35 ye… - Bill Burr

Seriously, any other town you go to there's this little devil and a little angel on your shoulder. A little good advice, a little bad advice. – You go to Las Vegas, there's like a devil and a devil and they're just battling it out the whole time. It's like, "Smoke some crack!" "Get a hooker!" And then I go, "YEA! Yea, this is a good town. Smoke some crack and get a hooker! Alright!"

I am so pro-swine flu it's ridiculous. We need a plague. It's gotta happen. And don't worry, it's only gonna kill the weak. Seriously. Put on a sweater, take some vitamins, you're gonna be fine! We gotta let mother nature do her thing, man. She keeps trying to help us out and we won't let her do it.

I'm not a big fan of Steve Jobs, personally. I dunno, I just don't understand what the big deal was with that guy... I don't get it. (on whether Jobs personally invented the iPhone) But did he? Did he? Did he sit down, "I'm gonna invent the iPhone!" and then he sits there soldering, possibly welding... didn't he have like a crew of guys helping him out? Then why when he went to those nerd fests didn't he have like a chorus of scientists behind him who helped him out, too? He walked out like he was Tesla... I think he just kinda, like, told people what to invent. Like he just kinda came in like, "I want my whole music collection in that phone. GET ON IT." And then all these nameless, faceless guys made it happen and then they have the big nerd concert and he goes out there by himself. No belt, you know, sneakers on... I just didn't buy it.