[on John McCain] I don't need a president with a bucket list! - Chris Rock

Here's the thing. I know it's hard being a cop. I know it's hard. I know that shit's dangerous. I know it is, OK? But some jobs can't have bad apples. OK? Some jobs, everybody gotta be good. Like— pilots. You know? American Airlines can't be like, "You know, most of our pilots like to land. We just got a few bad apples, that like to crash into mountains. Please bear with us."

Black people dominate every physical activity in the United States of America. We're only 10% of the population, we're 90% of the Final Four. Okay? We fucking dominate all this shit! Okay? Basketball, baseball, football, boxing, track- even golf and tennis! And as soon they make a heated hockey rink, we're gonna take that shit, too. Motherfuck Wayne Gretzky. Wait 'till you see LeBron on some skates. You ain't seen shit yet! He just gonna have one skate, chilling. "What's up?" He won't even have a stick, he'll just smack the puck in with his dick. Pow! "Slapshot, bee-otch!"

We got so much food in America we're allergic to food. Allergic to food! Hungry people ain't allergic to shit. You think anyone in Rwanda's got a fucking lactose intolerance?!