Certainty turns out to be one of the sexiest qualities you can possess. - Matthew Hussey

But there’s another way to look at it. Consider this: the pain doesn’t come from losing your soul mate, but from the disappointment that this guy wasn’t your soul mate. It’s sad, but it’s not catastrophic. And if you look at it this way — that in some regard, he failed to live up to your values and standards, so how could he have been your soul mate? — the pain is likely to be less severe. I don’t mean to minimize the amount it hurts. I’ve been there, believe me. But by grieving only for your disappointment and dashed expectations, you allow yourself to remain open to the next guy who comes along. It’s a much more manageable type of pain. We can now say more easily, “Although I’m hurt right now, this person wasn’t right for me. Now I can allow myself to find the right person.” This might sound like a small difference, but just allowing ourselves to take on this more correct understanding of what has happened can free us to move forward.

By the way, when a woman does move slower, the guy’s inclination will be to move faster. He’ll wonder why she’s just going with the flow and not pushing him toward commitment. The perceived challenge increases as he wonders what he needs to do to make her want only him. Her perceived value increases as he sees that she’s more discerning than to just rush into commitment with someone who hasn’t really gone out of his way for her yet. He now begins to work for her. As we know, everyone values what they work for, and this valuing continues once they get what they want.

But you lose nothing by communicating. The right relationship is one where things get better when you communicate. If your relationship gets worse when one of you speaks the truth, you’re in the wrong relationship.