Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!" - Chris Rock

Ed Bradley looked at Michael Jackson like he wanted to say, "Nigga, is you crazy?" Like he wanted to take the 60 Minutes clock and push the shit forward to say, "Nigga, what the fuck is wrong with you?" "I thought you said it was 60 minutes …" "It's 10 minutes, get outta here! You nutty nigga, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.

I love going to the Cellar and spanking the shit out of everybody. I love going there, at my age, and having an act that's better than the guys who are fifteen or twenty years younger than me. I'm like "This is my seventh special. What's your fucking excuse?"