DON'T SPEAK! See how fast I can get the smile off your face? - Judy Sheindlin

Judy: (to defendant, who took 17 purses and 21 belts from the plaintiff to sell on consignment, and was being sued because the plaintiff never got her money or the merchandise back) Where are they? [referring to merchandise] Defendant: I couldn't sell them, and... Judy: So what did you do with them? Defendant: I threw them away. Judy: Well then, you're the dumbest thing that I've seen all day! What do you mean, you threw 'em away? You think that I believe that? That's what you wrote in your answer. I said, "I have to see the person who says to me..." [audience laughs] "...that I couldn't sell them so I threw 'em away." You think that I believe that? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard! Defendant: I couldn't sell them---
Judy: Why would you want to tell ten million people - how stupid a response that you could make up in your head and expect somebody to believe!!!

Judy: [yelling at defendant, who is being sued for bleaching plaintiff's clothes and has just cursed at plaintiff in court] LISTEN TO ME!!! Where do you think you are? You think you're on Springer? [audience laughs] You're NOT! You're NOT! You wanna go to a therapist, go someplace else--- Defendant: No, I don't need a therapist. Judy: Listen to me! Defendant: I don't need to see a therapist... [continues trying to talk over Judy] Judy: Only one person is going to have--only one... judgment for the plaintiff in the amount of $5000! Your counterclaim is dismissed! Defendant: Excuse me? No! What about my computer? But what about my computer? But what about my computer? Judy: [getting up to walk off the set] That's all. Your counterclaim is dismissed. Defendant: ...and you just gonna walk away like that? That don't even make no sense! What about my computer, I don't get no chance to say nothin'... Judy: [over defendant's continued protests] I told you - I told you: it's my playpen, I have the word. Goodbye, go someplace else!

Why don't you SHUT UP and listen?!