Groucho Marx Quotes

American comedian (1890–1977)

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Julius Henry Marx (2 October 1890 – 19 August 1977), known as Groucho Marx, was an American comedian and actor known as a member of the Marx Brothers comedy act and for his solo film and television career.

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Birth Name: Julius Henry Marx

Alternative Names: Julius Marx

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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it.

I have had a wonderful time but this wasn't it.

Scientists make these deductions by examining a rat, or your landlord who won’t cut the rent, and what do they find? Asparagus.

They say Allen got something from the Marx Brothers. He got nothing. Maybe twenty years ago, he might have been inspired. Today he's an original. The best, the funniest.

Clear? Huh! Why a four-year-old child could understand this report! Run out and find me a four-year-old child, I can't make head or tail of it.

Whatever it is, I’m against it.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

A likely story — and probably true.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

Who you gonna believe, me or your lying eyes?

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.