Groucho Marx Quotes

Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room, and I think it's you.

Whatever it is, I'm against it.

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

A likely story — and probably true.

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member

I like pancakes, but I haven't got a closet full of them!

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.

This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.

Do you mind if I don't smoke?

Clear? Huh! Why a four-year-old child could understand this report! Run out and find me a four-year-old child, I can't make head or tail of it.

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read

I intend to live forever, or die trying.