Groucho Marx Quotes

"Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar"
Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change."
Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.

Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I have nothing but respect for you — and not much of that.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I would not join any club which would have me be a member.

And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

Buku lama adalah buku baru bagi mereka yang baru membacanya

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart's beat, and if your hearts beat any thing but diamonds and clubs, it's because your partner is cheating, or your wife.

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.

Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing conversation. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins communication

PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON’T WANT TO BELONG TO

"I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come home."
Groucho Marx was never one to pass up an opportunity for a play on words and this occurs in his dialogue of the 1933 film Duck Soup:

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member

Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.