Judy Sheindlin Quotes

Why don't you SHUT UP and listen?!

There's just one person who's allowed to ask, or answer, rhetorical questions in my courtroom -- and that's me! Understand? No, don't answer! There you go again.

Defendant: ...I have a lot to be proud of. Judy: Like what? Defendant: I graduated high school. Judy: Oh, well! That's, like, the Eighth Wonder of the World; isn't it! Defendant: Yes; by our family's standards, that's a great accomplishment. Judy: Yeah, right; so is tying your own shoelaces, I'll bet.

after throwing the defendant and his witness out of the courtroom: I have other things to do today. I have to get home! [points to her wristwatch] JUDGE JUDY IS ON!!! [audience laughs]

Don't be a wise guy in here, sir. There's only one wise person in here - and that's Byrd.

Plaintiff: By the way, Your Honor, you look beautiful. Judy: Don't go there, Mr. Missry, because it'll be the fastest way for you out the door, sir. Plaintiff: I'm sorry. Judy: The fastest way for you out the door.

I don't care whether you had a 30-day notice, a 3-day notice, or a partridge in a pear tree!

to a young woman suing a former friend for a broken toilet: The toilet broke while she was using it - that doesn't mean that she broke it, and it doesn't mean that she's responsible for it! Toilets break - I had one just break in my apartment last week! Cost me $650 to put in a new toilet! You think I went around to try to find the last person who sat on it? [audience breaks into laughter] Don't be STUPID! GROW UP! That's all.

Judy: [yelling at defendant, who is being sued for bleaching plaintiff's clothes and has just cursed at plaintiff in court] LISTEN TO ME!!! Where do you think you are? You think you're on Springer? [audience laughs] You're NOT! You're NOT! You wanna go to a therapist, go someplace else--- Defendant: No, I don't need a therapist. Judy: Listen to me! Defendant: I don't need to see a therapist... [continues trying to talk over Judy] Judy: Only one person is going to have--only one... judgment for the plaintiff in the amount of $5000! Your counterclaim is dismissed! Defendant: Excuse me? No! What about my computer? But what about my computer? But what about my computer? Judy: [getting up to walk off the set] That's all. Your counterclaim is dismissed. Defendant: ...and you just gonna walk away like that? That don't even make no sense! What about my computer, I don't get no chance to say nothin'... Judy: [over defendant's continued protests] I told you - I told you: it's my playpen, I have the word. Goodbye, go someplace else!

You say no, I say yes; I win, I'm the judge. Goodbye.

to a defendant who called the plaintiff a "witch" after the judge ruled in the plaintiff's favor: You gotta learn to behave yourself, madam. I have a feeling you have a pretty hot temper - not as hot as mine. That's all - out!

Judy: [to Byrd] Put him outside. Byrd: Put who outside? Judy: [points to defendant] Him. Byrd: Him? Judy: Him. Defendant: [muttering under his breath as he is escorted out of court] Oh, man. The story of my life. Judy: [to plaintiff] Mr. Britton's fifteen minutes of fame is over.

If I could fine you for stupid, I would fine you for stupid.

I got you ten ways from Sunday, madam!

to a defendant's witness wearing torn jeans: I'm looking in your direction trying to figure out whether you accidentally tripped on your way coming into court today, or whether you selected those pants because you thought that they were attractive.