I don't care whether you had a 30-day notice, a 3-day notice, or a partridge in a pear tree! - Judy Sheindlin

Judy: [indicating defendant's sister, who has worn a mini-dress to court with a matching jacket] Where's the rest of her outfit? [audience laughs] Defendant: That was the most... professional clothing she could find, I guess. Judy: [to sister] You don't have a pair of long pants? Defendant's Witness: I do, but I... I just feel this is appropriate, since it's sold in stores. Defendant: Sold in, like, business apparel stores. Defendant's Witness: Yes, business apparel. [Judy and Byrd share an incredulous glance] Byrd: Different kind of business, I guess. Judy: [to sister] Do you go to church? Defendant's Witness: I'm a Christian. Judy: Did you ever go to church? Defendant's Witness: [giggling] Yes... Judy: [audience laughs and she raps on her table for them to be quiet] Did you ever go to church? Defendant's Witness: Yes, I did. Judy: Would you wear that outfit to church? Defendant's Witness: No, I wouldn't. Judy: No. You know, I just wanted to know where your head was at...When did the plaintiff put a fuel pump in your car? Defendant: Um, I would say May. Judy: May of 2010? Defendant: Yep. Around my birthday. Judy: "Yep" is not an answer. Defendant: Yes. Judy: [points to defendant's sister] "Yes" is an answer. "Yep" goes with that outfit. [audience laughs again]

after someone in audience applauds, causing plaintiff to burst into tears: If there's any more noise from our gallery, you're gonna leave. Got it?

Let me tell you something: if you live to be a hundred, you'll never be as smart as I am in one finger.