My wife is a beautiful girl. To hear her describe herself, … - Jeff Foxworthy

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My wife is a beautiful girl. To hear her describe herself, it sounds like "The Bearded Goat Woman from Hell". If she looked like that, I'd never let her out of the house! I'd chain her up in the backyard, charge 5 bucks for people to look at her. "Alright, now this is some scary shit. I mean it, stand back!" [mimes opening a gate, makes deformed faces and mimes closing the gate] That is my wife!"

Jeff Foxworthy

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About Jeff Foxworthy

Jeffrey Marshall "Jeff" Foxworthy (born September 6, 1958) is an American comedian and actor, and a member of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.

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Birth Name: Jeffrey Marshall Foxworthy

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Originators like Jeff Foxworthy:

David Sedaris Dave Barry Ron White Dylan Moran Tina Fey

Additional quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

You don't have the stupidest family in the world, you don't have the goofiest family in the world. And if you ever need to verify that, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Five minutes at a fair, you'll be going, "You know what? We're all right. We're dang near royalty!"

[about a clerk, after recounting a story he read in which someone presented a store cashier with a million dollar bill and asked for change]

If you're a man and you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay or married.

My wife is a beautiful girl. To hear her describe herself, it sounds like "The Bearded Goat Woman from Hell". If she looked like that, I'd never let … - Jeff Foxworthy

About Jeff Foxworthy

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Additional quotes by Jeff Foxworthy