Every belief is a belief that falls short; one never wholly believes what one believes. - Jean-Paul Sartre

My existence began to worry me seriously. Was I not a simple spectre?

Then I realized what separated us: what I thought about him could not reach him; it was psychology, the kind they write about in books. But his judgment went through me like a sword and questioned my very right to exist. And it was true, I had always realized it; I hadn't the right to exist. I had appeared by chance, I existed like a stone, a plant or a microbe. My life put out feelers towards small pleasures in every direction. Sometimes it sent out vague signals; at other times I felt nothing more than a harmless buzzing.

It's just what people do when they're getting old, when they're sick of themselves and their life; they think of money and take care of themselves.