After the celebrations we all settled down to a bit of solid mourning. We mourned to such an extent that the police were called in, and you should ha… - Lennie Lower

People have asked me which was the better-poultry farming or dairy farming.Well, you've got to milk a cow, but a hen does her own egging.Mind you, there's a lot to be said for dairy farming. A lot of farmers say it, too. I don't blame them much, although I never did approve of bad language.

The catching of whales for commercial purposes is a large and thriving industry. I myself only catch them for sport. The trouble lies in getting them home. The last whale I brought home I had to leave out in the street as it was quite impossible to get it through the front gate. After about three weeks people started to complain. There was such a ridiculous rumpus about it that I have never gone whaling since. However, I don't mind giving anyone interested a few hints.One needs a few small boats and a mother ship. This last is to put your mother on. The principal instrument used in whaling is the baboon, a barbed instrument something like a spear which is hurled into the side of the whale. One then just hauls the whale in. This is much simpler than fishing for them with ordinary rod and line.

Many people are confused by the multiplicity of knives, forks, and spoons set before them, and are inclined to make a haphazard selection, thus making goats of themselves. Remain calm and do the thing systematically. First of all, use up the spoons; secondly, go through the forks; then wind up on the knives. In the case of wine glasses and so forth, select the biggest and stick to it. I do this myself invariably, and have never been tossed out of a dining-room yet.