Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new...program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was. - Art Buchwald

People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, "I'm getting even." … For me, being funny is the best revenge.

Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, "I am not a crook." Jimmy Carter says, "I have lusted after women in my heart." President Reagan says, "I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope."

Writers are funny about reviews: when they get a good one they ignore it — but when they get a bad review they never forget it. Every writer I know is the same way: you get a hundred good reviews, and one bad, andyou remember only the bad. For years, you go on and fantasize about the reviewer who didn't like your book; you imagine him as a jerk, a wife-beater, a real ogre. And, in the meantime, the reviewer has forgotten all about the whole thing. But, twenty years later, the writer still remembers that one bad review.