Being dependent may sound like a weakness, but it is one of our greatest strengths. Spreading to the farthest corners of the globe, even walking upon… - Rick Hanson

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Being dependent may sound like a weakness, but it is one of our greatest strengths. Spreading to the farthest corners of the globe, even walking upon the moon, humans have become so wildly successful through depending on each other: children on their parents, one parent on another, families on communities, and communities on the many adults who aren’t raising children. The root of the word “confident” means “to have trust or faith.” If others are dependable, we develop trust in them as well as faith in our own worth. But if others are not dependable, it’s normal to develop a sense of inadequacy, self-doubt, even shame. This is particularly true in childhood, when we are both most dependent on others and most affected by our negative experiences.

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The wolf of love sees a vast horizon, with all beings included in the circle of “us.” That circle shrinks down for the wolf of hate, so that only the nation, or tribe, or friends and family — or, in the extreme, only the individual self — is held as “us,” surrounded by threatening masses of “them.

Stay with the positive experience for five to ten seconds or longer. Open to the feelings in it and try to sense it in your body; let it fill your mind. Enjoy it. Gently encourage the experience to be more intense. Find something fresh or novel about it. Recognize how it’s personally relevant, how it could nourish or help you, or make a difference in your life.

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