Saliva causes cancer, but only if swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time. - George Carlin

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

[On his work appearing on the Internet] It's a conflicted feeling. I'm really a populist, down in the very center of me. I like the power people can accrue for themselves, and I like the idea of user-generated content and taking power from the corporations. The other half of the conflict, though, is that, traditionally speaking, artists are protected from copyright infringement. Fortunately, I don't have to worry about solving this issue. It's someone else's job.