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" "It was the kind of nightmare where you realize that the missing weight of things is sitting right there on your chest, like some kind of succubus, but before you can shove it off, it gets sucked away through a mysterious process into the unknowable realm of your cells, and from there on you are defenseless, your cells already weigh a ton, while your whole body is so light it almost floats, and that’s how it goes until you can only wonder how the cells could be so unbearably heavy when the body is so nauseatingly light, and in this nauseating lightheadedness things gradually recede from you just as you too begin to gradually recede from them, in a word it is like when a person lugging a load becomes exhausted by all this lugging and suddenly looking down at his hands sees that there is nothing in them, there never was, that he had been lugging nothing — that is, when you suddenly realize that something is no longer in your possession, just as nothing ever had been.
László Krasznahorkai (; born 5 January 1954) is a Hungarian novelist and screenwriter known for difficult and demanding novels, often labeled postmodern, with dystopian and melancholic themes. Several of his works, including his novels Satantango (, 1985) and The Melancholy of Resistance (, 1989), have been turned into feature films by Hungarian film director Béla Tarr.
Biography information from Wikipedia
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I would leave everything here: the valleys, the hills, the paths, and the jaybirds from the gardens, I would leave here the petcocks and the padres, heaven and earth, spring and fall, I would leave here the exit routes, the evenings in the kitchen, the last amorous gaze, and all of the city-bound directions that make you shudder, I would leave here the thick twilight falling upon the land, gravity, hope, enchantment, and tranquility, I would leave here those beloved and those close to me, everything that touched me, everything that shocked me, fascinated and uplifted me, I would leave here the noble, the benevolent, the pleasant, and the demonically beautiful, I would leave here the budding sprout, every birth and existence, I would leave here incantation, enigma, distances, inexhaustibility, and the intoxication of eternity; for here I would leave this earth and these stars, because I would take nothing with me from here, because I've looked into what's coming, and I don't need anything from here.” — László Krasznahorkai
...megértette, hogy mindaz, amit mi a létből érzékelünk, nem más, mint a hiábavalóság felfoghatatlan terjedelmű emlékműve, mely az idők végezetéig ismétli önmagát, és hogy nem, korántsem a véletlen szerkeszti a maga rettenetes, kiapadhatatlan, diadalmas, legyőzhetetlen erejével, hogy dolgok szülessenek és szétessenek, hanem mintha egy homályos, démoni szándék dolgozna itt, és ez olyan mértékben bele van szerekesztve a dolgokba és a dolgok közti állapotok szövetébe, hogy a szándék bűze mindent betölt, egy kárhozat tehát, egy megvetés műve a világ, ez csapja meg agyát annak, aki gondolkodni kezd, ezért ő nem is gondolkodik, megtanult nem gondolkodni többé, ami természetesen nem vezetett sehová, mert azt a bűzt csak érzi, bármerre néz, bármerre fordítja a fejét, ez a bűz ott van, mert végül is az ítélet, mely szintén azonos a világgal, azt is tartalmazza, hogy a hiábavalóságnak is és megvetésnek is, mely a szándék formáját öltötte fel, a tudatában kell legyen, a hiábavalóságnak és a megvetésnek is, folyton, minden egyes pillanatban, aki gondolkodni kezd, viszont elég lemondani a gondolkodásról, és csak nézni a dolgokat, már létre is jön a gondolkodás új alakban, vagyis megszabadulni nem lehet, akár gondolkodik az ember, akár nem gondolkodik, mindenképpen a gondolkodás foglya, és iszonyatosan facsarja az orrát a bűz, így hát ő mit tehetne, áltatja magát, azzal áltatja, hogy hagyja, menjenek a dolgok a maguk természetes útján...
In the tense silence the continual buzzing of the horseflies was the only audible sound, that and the constant rain beating down in the distance, and, uniting the two, the ever more frequent scritch-scratch of the bent acacia trees outside, and the strange nightshift work of the bugs in the table legs and in various parts of the counter whose irregular pulse measured out the small parcels of time, apportioning the narrow space into which a word, a sentence or a movement might perfectly fit. The entire end-of-October night was beating with a single pulse, its own strange rhythm sounding through trees and rain and mud in a manner beyond words or vision: a vision present in the low light, in the slow passage of darkness, in the blurred shadows, in the working of tired muscles; in the silence, in its human subjects, in the undulating surface of the metaled road; in the hair moving to a different beat than do the dissolving fibers of the body; growth and decay on their divergent paths; all these thousands of echoing rhythms, this confusing clatter of night noises, all parts of an apparently common stream, that is the attempt to forget despair; though behind things other things appear as if by mischief, and once beyond the power of the eye they don't hang together. So with the door left open as if forever, with the lock that will never open. There is a chasm, a crevice.