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" "You wanna feel bad for someone in a down-turned economy, I'll give you someone...prostitutes. Because a prostitute doesn't have that same "worst case scenario" B-plan that we all enjoy. No matter how shitty things are going for you on the job, "Danny, if they lay off anymore people, I'm gonna be out on the streets sucking dick for a living. I got nothin' else. I'm serious." Hooker doesn't have that same safety net. Hooker's already out there, sucking dicks.
Doug Stanhope (born 25 March 1967) is an American stand-up comedian.
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Proof of the afterlife is this: if there were no afterlife, how could my mother have bought me and my friends so many nice things from the SkyMall catalogue on her credit card four days after she passed from this Earth? Answer me that, Your Honor! Answer me that! In fact, I'd like to enter these credit card receipts into evidence against the advice of my attorney! [...] That last piece of that story has special meaning to me because in my entire career, that's the only chunk of material I've ever had that had a statute of limitations before I could comfortably tell it on stage. Three year statute for credit card fraud, after that: fuck you.
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