Never get a mime talking. He won’t stop.

Never try and make a comedian laugh with one of his own jokes.

Never interrupt someone doing something you said couldn't be done.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Teach him how you will, a pig will never play the flute.

A talking plenty cannot let dead man hear you.

Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humour: he will always use it in evidence against you.

This simple form of repression, of using the method of not letting anyone speak, will never succeed.

Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.

Never argue with an artist.

I couldn’t let her speak or I would never be able to keep my promise.)

Never teach a pig to sing.

Steady, Monty. You can't speak to me like that. I'm your boss.

Never repeat the words of your enemy. When you do, their words are heard twice and yours only once.