Why would you die for someone's sins? Your sins are the only thing interesting about you, you dreary, bleak motherfuckers. - Doug Stanhope

I'm kinda out of shit. Not in this set, I mean I have some stuff I put on paper. But in the long term, I think I'm outta shit. [I'm] fucking cannibalizing my own— seventeen years, how much more do you have to say? If I die soon, don't ever say I died too young. [...] Every time an artist dies young - Kurt Cobain, or whatever, there's always the people, "It's so sad, he had so much more to give." How do you know? Maybe he was out of shit. How do you know? He's done. He got all the money, he did all the drugs, he fucked all your holes. And that's the American Dream, and when you're done with that you go, "Oh, that's why they call it a dream. It's bullshit, I'm still empty." And he cashed out. How do you know what any artist had left? How do you know if Jimi Hendrix hadn't had died he wouldn't have wound up doing Super Bowl half-time duets with Elton John right now?

Put your fucking camera away, you stupid fucking tourist of life! There's a whole generation of shitheads just filming every fucking thing they do. "I'm gonna film my entire life and watch it later!"

I had a girl say this to me. She goes, "You know, if God intended women to suck dick, he'd have made cum taste like chocolate." I said, "Yeah, but he had to make it taste like bleach so you remember to do the laundry."