Learn all the rules... then break them. - Lea DeLaria

Oh please...As a standup, I tried to change the world. As an entertainer, I try to entertain. And as a lesbian, I try to pick up the prettiest girl in the room. Not necessarily in that order.

[An anti-abortion conference goer] says, "Well, don't you believe that life begins at inception?" I say, "No. I believe that life begins when you mind your own fucking business!"

Never point at anything beige and call it cool.