Grief takes many forms, including the absence of grief. - Alison Bechdel

Jezanna: Workers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your chain store jobs!

It was a vicious circle, though. The more gratification we found in our own geniuses, the more isolated we grew. Our home was like an artists' colony. We ate together, but otherwise were absorbed in our separate pursuits. And in this isolation, our creativity took on an aspect of compulsion.

Your anxiety attach in the church sounds like a compromise formation.

A what?

Your unconscious wants to express the pain you feel about your own lost innocense. But your ego wants to keep it repressed. So the compromise is anxiety.