I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, o… - Mitch Hedberg

Xylophone is spelled with an X, that's wrong, xylophone's zzzz, X? I don't fuckin' see it. It should be a Z up front, next time you have to spell xylophone, use a Z. When someone says "Hey that's wrong." say "No it ain't. If you think that's wrong, you need to get your head Z-rayed." It's like X wasn't given enough to do, so they had to promise it more. Okay, you don't start a lot of words, but we'll give you a co-starring role in tic-tac-toe. And you will be associated with hugs and kisses. And you will mark the spot. And you will make writing Christmas easier. And incidentally, you will start xylophone. Are you happy, you fuckin' X?!

See, this CD is in stores. The only way I could get my old CD into a store is if I were to take one in and leave it. Then the guys says "Sir, you forgot this!" "No, I did not. That is for sale. Please alphabetize it."

Yeah, this comedy is all a part of my “Get Rich Slow” scheme... and it’s working.